


At Second Glance

by Lawral, Trufreak89



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-06-03 17:34:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6619888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lawral/pseuds/Lawral, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trufreak89/pseuds/Trufreak89
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A twist of fate robs Clarke of her memories of the last three years. Surrounded by strangers and old friends alike, can Clarke put the pieces of her life back together?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was all Raven's fault. It had to be. That's what was running through Clarke Griffin's mind as she slowly blinked, staring straight up at the blank white ceiling tiles above her. There was a dull, throbbing, ache at the back of her head and a stabbing pain behind her left eye. Little white spots were dancing on the edge of her vision, and she felt a wave of nausea hit her as she tried to sit up.

She had been in some states before -and most of them had been Raven's fault, in one way or another- but she had never woken up from a night out in a hospital bed before. This was a new low. One which neither her best friend, nor her parents, were likely going to allow her to forget in a hurry. 

Fighting through the nausea, as well as a newly discovered pain in her ribs -Just what the hell had she been doing last night?- Clarke finally managed to sit up against the lumpy pillows that were propped up behind her. The dimly lit room swam in and out of focus for a few seconds, until the blond was finally able to focus on the chair beside her hospital bed. Her mother, Abby, was curled up in it. Even while sleeping, her face was etched with concern. It made her look older somehow, like she'd aged years overnight.

Clarke felt a sharp pang of guilt at the sight of her mother by her bedside. Just how much had she drunk to end up in hospital? What the hell had happened? And where was Raven? She wracked her brain, trying to fight through the heavy fog that seemed to be lingering around inside her head. It was hard to think. She couldn't quite remember why they'd gone out. Hell, Clarke wasn't even entirely sure what day it was. 

The information was there, somewhere at the back of her brain. It was buried under the throbbing pain of her headache and the disorientating dizziness that had settled over her since she'd sat up. The harder Clarke tried to chase after the memory of the previous night, the further it seemed to slip away from her. 

Eventually, with a heavy sigh, she gave up trying. Slumping back against the pillows she went back to staring at the ceiling, sure that her mother would fill her in soon enough. Clarke wasn't going to forget this night in a hurry. She just hoped Raven - wherever she was - was suffering just as much as she was. 

Clarke didn't have long to wait before the door to her private hospital room opened. The strip lighting of the corridor outside assaulted her already sensitive eyes, forcing her to close them over as her father slipped into the room. "Clarke?" He'd noticed she was sitting up and came straight over to her bedside, discarding the two Styrofoam cups of coffee that he'd just been out to fetch. An expression of pure relief washed over his grizzled face. "You're awake… oh, thank God!"

"You had us worried there, Kiddo." Jake Griffin placed a tender kiss against his only child's forehead, carefully avoiding the angry red welt on her left side. There was no anger or malice in his voice, just genuine concern. It made things all the more unbearable. Clarke finally stopped fighting and gave in to the tears that had been threatening to fall since she opened her eyes. No matter how old she got, Clarke Griffin would always be a daddy's girl. 

"Hey, hey, it's okay! It's okay." Jake comforted her as she buried her face into his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her gingerly, wary of hurting her. Dressed in a hospital gown and swamped under the clinically sterile white blankets, she looked lost and frightened; and above all else, fragile. The doctors had already prepared Abby and Jake for the worst. To see Clarke awake, to hear her talking and see her moving, it was more than Jake could have hoped for three days ago. 

"I'm so sorry, Dad!" Clarke sniffled into his shirt. "I'm sorry for doing this to you and Mom. It won't happen again, I swear it!"  
"Clarke, sweetie, do you remember what happened?" Jake pulled back, holding Clarke at arms length as he searched her expression for any hint of clarity. "The crash?" 

"Crash?" Clarke choked out. "What crash?" She knitted her brow into a scowl, trying to make sense of what he was saying. She hadn't been in any kind of crash… Had she? Frowning only made her head hurt more, so Clarke gave up on that and just flopped back down against the pillows again. There were machines in the room that made unnatural and unrelenting noises. The constant beeping was grating on her last nerve, making it impossible to think, and the dense fog that had settled over her mind still wasn't showing any signs of lifting. 

"Clarke." Jake's voice took on the same kind of patient tone that it had adopted when her paternal grandmother had died. At six years old, Clarke hadn't been capable of understanding concepts like death. Jake had spoken slowly and calmly, explaining to her why she couldn't go see her Grams anymore. 

At the time Clarke had thought she was being punished for something. It wasn't until she was much older that she realized that her grandmother 'going away' meant that she had died. "You were in an accident. You hit your head. You've been here for three days. The doctors weren't sure…" He started choking up, cutting himself off. "It doesn't matter. You're awake now. You're going to be okay." 

"An accident…" Repeated Clarke. She was still trying to process what he was telling her. She'd had her license for less than a year, but she was a careful driver. She didn't speed. Didn't go through stop signs. Raven was always calling her an 'old lady driver'. 

The thought of crashing her car, and -even worse- not remembering it, was a terrifying one. "Was I hit by a bus by any chance? Because I feel like it." She groaned, shifting in an attempt to ease the pain in her ribs. Her shuffling was all in vain. The pain only seemed to get worse.

Jake smiled, looking down at her hand as he played with her hospital bracelet. He shook his head lightly as he carefully sat down on the edge of her bed before grinning up at her once more. “Only my daughter would make a joke at a time like this.”

Clarke groaned lightly as the white spots in her peripheral vision seemed to be growing, the heachache gave a powerful lurch causing her to raise the heel of her hand to press lightly against her left eyebrow. “Yeah, well, the apple and all that.”

Jake got to his feet and made his way to the window, drawing the blind down further. Returning to her side, he laid his hand gently on the arm she held to her head, and kissed her head. “I’ll go get a nurse.”

“And some morphine!” She called after him as he waved his hand behind him. Abby had jumped slightly at the sudden outburst; her eyes opened wide as she instantly moved to the edge of her seat, her hand held in the air above her daughter’s leg.

“Clarke?” Abby spoke softly, her eyes roaming over the new position her only child sat in. For three days she’d sat, paced, or laid in the hospital bed alongside her daughter begging for her to wake up and speak to her. The whites of her eyes were still tinged pink from tears that had come and gone periodically over those days. “Baby, can you hear me?”

Clarke groaned, fighting another sudden wave of nausea. “I take it back. Not a bus.” She sank down slightly and covered her arm over her eyes. “Much worse than a bus.”

Tears began anew as Abby rose to her feet and surged forward to wrap her arms around her daughter. Instantly the blond hissed as the pain in her rib exploded. Abby’s worried mother brain reacted a moment later as she quickly pulled away, her hands up in a surrender pose. “Oh, baby, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Clarke shook her head slightly as she attempted to stifle a groan of pain, the white spots exploding behind her closed eyes as she tried to powerbreathe through the pain. She heard a rustle of fabric. Her father returning with one of her doctors to find his daughter’s face scrunched up and his wife wringing her hands as tears streamed down her face. 

“It was an accident,” Abby sobbed into her husband’s shirt. “I was just so happy-”

Jake spoke softly to his wife as the young doctor made his way past the couple and to Clarke’s side. “Tsk, tsk. Abby, I know it's difficult giving me control but you don't have to make Clarke pay for it.” His eyes sparkled as he grinned at her. 

Abby looked between her colleague and husband, mouth agape for a moment before Jake chortled slightly. “Give her a break, Jackson, she was asleep when Clarke woke. Hell even I struggled to not drop the coffee.” Jake jutted his chin in the direction of the bedside table.

“Clarke, on a scale of one to ten-” Dr. Jackson began as he attempted to check the dilation of her pupils with a penlight.

“Ten,” Clarke hissed. “Ten. It’s a ten.”

Dr. Jackson turned to the IV pump, picking up the syringe that she’d carried into the room with him, popped the cap off the top, and tightened it onto a valve of the IV tubing attached to the back of her hand. “Alright, you should feel some relief pretty quickly.”

It took several moments before Clarke felt her eyes growing heavy once more. She wasn't exactly sure what was given to her -Did the doc even say?- but it was quickly covering the white spots with a dull cloud.

“Mm, Mom?” She said softly, reaching her hand out as she forced her eyes open. Abby turned slightly in her husband’s arms; the sight made a snort erupt from her daughter as a goofy smile spread over her face. “You guys are floating.”

Dr. Jackson smiled, his arms crossed over his chest as the trio watch the blond examining her hands. “Reminds you of college, doesn't it?” 

Abby returned to her seat as Jake sat at the foot of the bed while Jackson excused himself. The pair could see that Clarke was fighting against her heavy eyelids. “Sweetie, you need to rest. Don't fight sleep.”

“I've been sleeping for three days.” Clarke mumbled. However, whatever her parents said after that, she wasn't sure. The pain medicine had gone into full effect and sleep claimed her.

* * *

"Can you go pace somewhere else?" Raven let out a heavy sigh, rolling her eyes at her house mate's back. "You're supposed to cheer people up when you visit them in hospital, not piss them off." 

"Sorry." Lexa Woods finally stopped pacing in front of Raven's bed. Instead, she stood wrangling her hands together; which was almost just as bad.  
"Ugh. Just go see Clarke already!" Raven huffed out. "I love you babe, but we both know you'd rather be visiting your boo than me." 

"Jake's going to call me when he and Abby leave to get a change of clothes and a shower." Lexa didn't even try to deny that she would rather be by Clarke's bedside. She'd been able to sit in with her girlfriend a few times since the accident, but most of the time her parents were with her, and the nurses had kicked up a fuss about too many visitors. 

As a surgeon working at Mt. Weather hospital, Abby Griffin would have been more than capable of having a quiet word with them about letting Lexa stay; but Lexa was convinced Abby was the one who had asked the nurses to get her to leave. She blamed Lexa for the accident that landed her daughter in intensive care and a medically induced coma for three days now. 

Lexa hadn't been at fault. A drunk driver had jumped a red light and crashed into the passenger side of the car, plowing right into Clarke and Raven. Lexa had given a blood sample to check for alcohol in her system, which was standard practice according to the police detective who had requested it, but Abby had put two and two together and came out with five. She'd been cold and distant whenever Lexa was in Clarke's room, and the atmosphere had gotten too much. 

Lexa had been the bigger person, voluntarily leaving so that Clarke's parents could sit with her. It had killed her to walk away during Clarke's hour of need, and the guilt was still gnawing at her insides as she started pacing in Raven's room again. "She thinks I was drinking, Raven! She actually thinks that I would endanger Clarke's life like that!" Lexa threw her arms up in the air. She was the type to talk with her hands, and tended to gesture wildly when she was riled. 

"She doesn't know you as well as Clarke and I do, Lex. She'll come around. You'll see. Once the blood test comes back-"  
"Why should I have to prove myself to the likes of her?" Lexa snapped, even though she knew the answer. Abby was her girlfriend's mother. If Lexa wanted any kind of future with Clarke then she was probably going to need Abby and Jake onside. That was if Clarke ever got around to telling them that they were dating; or even that she was bisexual. 

The three of them had been on their way to the Griffin household for dinner - with Clarke planning to finally introduce Lexa as her girlfriend - when the reckless driver had smashed into them. Lexa had been left relatively unscathed. She'd walked away from the crash with a stiff neck and a ringing in her ears. Clarke hadn't been nearly so lucky. She'd been jostled like a rag-doll, her head smashing violently off the window and knocking her out. The paramedics that had attended had talked about traumatic brain injury and swelling, and all manner of things that had made Lexa's blood run cold. 

Raven had only fared marginally better than her childhood friend. She'd been conscious after the crash, but she'd also been seriously injured. Raven had been leaning forward in her seat when the crash had happened. She'd been teasing Clarke about one thing or another, laughing and joking one minute and then screaming the next. Lexa could still hear her cries for help when she tried to close her eyes. 

A chunk of twisted metal from the door frame had punctured deep into her spine. It was a miracle she hadn't been left completely paralyzed. As it was, she'd ended up being rushed into surgery to have the impacted metal removed. The surgeons had ended up taking her spleen out too. Raven was facing months of painful rehabilitation to be able to walk again, not to mention numerous potential infections. 

"I'm sorry." Lexa sighed. She felt bad enough without adding 'snapping at Raven' to an endless list of things to feel guilty about. "I just… I feel so helpless." She admitted what was really bugging her. It wasn't a feeling that Lexa was used to. She wasn't the type of person to just stand around waiting for something to happen. She was used to taking charge and standing her ground, but that was hard to do when she was trying to hide the fact that she and Clarke were together from her parents. 

She couldn't demand to be allowed in to see her. As far as Abby and Jake were concerned Lexa was just a friend to Clarke. She was just a girl their daughter had met in her freshman year of college. One she'd moved in with - along with Raven - at the start of their third year. 

"Just go see her." Said Raven. "You know you'll only wear a hole in the floor if you don't; and my insurance sure as hell won't cover the cost." She managed a half-hearted attempt at a joke, and neither of them mentioned that it was the Griffin's that were actually covering the cost of her care. 

Raven's mother was a junkie who had walked out on her years ago, and the identity of her biological-father was anyone's guess. Abby and Jake had practically adopted the girl when she'd been in her late teens, giving her a place to stay until she graduated and moved off to college along with Clarke. "You're right." Lexa nodded resolutely. 

It had been hours since she'd last been in to check on Clarke. A CT scan had revealed the swelling on Clarke's brain had gone down significantly, so her doctors had been talking about weaning her out of her coma. It could still be hours or days until she woke up, but Lexa wanted to be there when she did; whether Abby had something to say about it or not.

She had barely crossed over to the door when it opened from the other side. Lexa jumped back, startled as Jake appeared in the open doorway. "Clarke?" She felt her heart hammering in her chest at the sight of her girlfriend's father. Jake looked as worn out as Lexa felt. There was at least two days of stubble on his chin and he'd been wearing the same sweatshirt for three days. 

"She's fine." Jake reassured her right away. Like his daughter, he was a hands-on kind of person. He placed a reassuring hand on Lexa's arm. "She woke up."  
"Thank god!" Lexa felt some of the tension in her shoulders evaporate. "Can I go see her?"  
"Her doctor gave her something for the pain. It's best to let her rest right now, but I'm taking Abby home for something to eat and some sleep. You girls can go visit Clarke in a little while. I'm sure she'll be happy to see you both." 

"Thank you, Mr Griffin." Lexa wasn't anywhere near as close with Clarke's parents, but the few times she had met them she had been more comfortable in Jake's presence than in Abby's.  
"Lexa, we've been over this. Call me Jake." He said, wearing something akin to a knowing smile. Not for the first time, Lexa wondered if maybe he knew more about her and Clarke's relationship than they though. 

"Yes Mr- Jake."  
"Bye, Pops!" Raven called out after him, waving cheerfully as he turned and gave her a mock salute. Clarke wasn't the only one on some pretty powerful pain medication. The second the door shut behind Jake she started trying to sit up in bed. "Right, Commander, your mission -should you choose to accept it- is to steal me a wheelchair.

* * *

The room was empty when Clarke opened her eyes again. Blinking several times, she tried to clear the remainder of the sluggishness from her head. The white spots were finally gone; however she felt as if she would have a massive hangover later. 

Tentatively she pulled herself up, returning to a seated position. The ache in her side was constant but manageable. Sighing, Clarke allowed herself to melt into silence as she thought about the conversation she'd had with her father; starting with the facts.

She had been in a car accident. The accident had been three days ago. It was in that moment she groaned; those were the only facts she knew. Raven. 

The last thing she remembered was Raven excitedly screaming out of the passenger window as they pulled up behind a green Dodge at a classmate’s house. It was the last party before they'd all start buckling down to study for finals week. Two and a half weeks was all that remained in her high school career. 

“Oh, the luck of the princess.”

Clarke’s attention immediately found the doorway. Raven sat in a wheelchair, her left leg kept straight with the help of a metal brace. 

“Oh my God,” Clarke said, shifting briefly before the ache in her side stopped her. “Are you okay?”

Raven paused, unconsciously glancing over her left shoulder before speaking. “Doorframe twisted, punctured my back. Leg brace and hours of painful rehab are my immediate future.”

“You were in the accident.” Clarke finally realized. “Was anyone else hurt?”

“Typical Clarke; you're in the ICU and worried about everyone else.” Raven grinned as she wheeled herself the rest of the way into the room. 

Clarke watched as the woman behind her also stepped further into the room. She quickly drew her gaze back to her best friend; it had only been a few months since she'd accepted a part of herself she tried to deny since her first day in AP Art during her sophomore year. The day she'd developed a mad crush on her table partner, Zoe Monroe. It was a secret she'd never spoken of. 

Monroe had been cute but the brunette orderly to her left, whose action of moving the chair closer had gone unnoticed by Clarke, was beautiful. With her clouded, groggy head, Clarke had to concentrate twice as hard to keep her gaze fixed on her best friend. 

“Anyway, the guy that hit us failed a breathalyzer test like three times over; he sobered up and went straight to county lockup. Third offense, I heard.” Raven stated. “Lexa, she's got some scrapes and bruises but since we absorbed the impact-”

“Wait, wait.” Clarke said, holding a single hand up to interrupt. “Who's Lexa?”

Raven paused at the question before looking over the blond’s shoulder directly into bright green eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. We decided there was a need to relay to our readers that updates may take awhile; we both have our own stories going on, we have personal issues that require our attentions and there is also a significant time difference between us. Once more, we ask that you bear with us.  
> -Lawral

Lexa took a half step forward and opened her mouth just as another voice boomed loudly into the room. "What is going on in here?" A portly nurse came into the room, stepping around Lexa before noticing Raven in the wheelchair to Clarke's left. "Are you immediate family?"

"Biologically?" Raven started causing the woman to start shaking her head and waving her hand toward herself.   
"Immediate family only," The nurse barked as she pulled the wheelchair back, turning her toward the doorway.  
"But," Raven reached down for the wheels in an attempt to move herself back toward her best friend. "Dr. Griffin-"

"Is not in charge of her care nor is she able to ignore hospital policy." The nurse said, grasping Lexa's shoulder to entice her out of the room. "Dr. Griffin will have to take it up with Dr. Jackson."

Lexa's gaze was fixed on the blond as the nurse ushered her backwards toward the door using Raven as a makeshift battering ram. She felt a large lump fill her throat as words filtered through her memories. Even from where she'd sat being evaluated by an EMT, Lexa had heard other rescuers converse about the unconscious passenger having hit her head.

"Back to your room, Miss Reyes." The nurse's voice brought Lexa back to reality. She shifted once more, trying to catch her girlfriend's gaze one last time before the door closed. 

Lexa instantly dove for the window. Clarke had followed the progression of the two women being pushed out the door, catching the green eyes in the window. She paused for a moment, taking in the bright earthy color that seemed to hold desperation behind them. 

"Come on, go!" Clarke could hear the muffled voice of the nurse as she quickly looked away briefly before finding the brunette again. 

The blond couldn't seem to stop herself from bashfully looking up to the window and diverting her eye after noticing the brunette still staring at her. Raven had come up behind the woman, looking into the room with her own worry filled orbs. 

The nurse continued to push Raven toward the brunette as Clarke tried to covertly sneak glances to the strange, yet, beautiful woman. Raven looked away, toward the woman who had accompanied her as the blond lowered her attention to her hands.

"Lex," Raven's voice was muffled. "Lexa! Come on." Clarke lifted her head so quickly the blurriness returned instantaneously. She closed her eyes to ward off the wave of nausea that accompanied the vision anomaly. By the time she opened her eyes once more, Raven and the girl were gone.

"She… She didn't recognize me…" Lexa was the first one to break the silence once they were out in the corridor and on their way back downstairs to Raven's room. The portly nurse was still glaring at the two girls, but something in her expression softened as she finally took in the shell-shocked look on Lexa's face. "Clarke had no clue who I was…" 

"Look, your friend in there had a real nasty bump to the head. I've been working in the ICU a long time now, sometimes people wake up a little out of sorts. Some disorientation is normal. You just give your friend some time to rest and she'll be right as rain in the morning, you'll see." 

Friend. The word cut through Lexa like a steak knife through a stick of butter. Clarke wasn't just her friend. She was her everything; and Lexa felt the overwhelming need to scream it from the rooftops. Clarke Griffin was her girlfriend. She was her lover, her confidant and best friend all rolled into one perfect -if a little dorky sometimes- package. 

"Lex. She's right. Griffin just needs some time." Raven reached up to take hold of Lexa's elbow, stopping her from giving in to the urge to turn right around and rush back into Clarke's hospital room the second the oblivious nurse walked away. Bile was welling up in the back of her throat, and her eyes stung with the threat of unshed tears. 

"She's been unconscious three days." Lexa growled out, though her shoulders sagged in defeat. "I don't think a good night's sleep is going to fix this Raven!" Lexa's temper was boiling over. She had spent three days waiting for Clarke to wake up, waiting for some kind of sign that she was going to pull through. She had prayed to a God she didn't really believe in, offering anything and everything for Clarke just to wake up. 

Maybe she should have been more specific in her request. Clarke was awake, but she wasn't out of the woods yet. "Fuck!" She yelled, slamming her fist against the wall in a fit of anger. Her knuckles crunched against the drywall, leaving a noticeable dent in the wall, and blood smeared across the back of her hand. The pain did nothing but focus her anger. She pulled her hand back, intending to slam her fist into the wall again. 

"Lex, you need to chill!" Raven snapped. Sitting in her wheelchair, Raven felt powerless to stop her. It wasn't a feeling she was used to, or one she particularly liked. "Lexa! Stop!"   
"She doesn't remember me…" Lexa's voice cracked as she spoke. She stood with her forehead leaning against the wall, her fists still clenched at her sides. "They way she looked at me…" 

"Look, it's going to be okay-"  
"That's easy for you to say! She still remembers you!" Lexa snarled, and then instantly regretted it. "Sorry. I know this isn't your fault…"

"It's not yours either. You know that, right?" Raven probed gently. Lexa could be something of a live wire. She had a quick temper and a short fuse, and Clarke was the only one who could really get through to her when she was like this. 

"Lexa? It's not your fault. It was an accident… and Clarke's a fighter. She'll pull through this! You'll see."   
"And if she doesn't?" Lexa demanded. "What then?" Raven didn't have an answer for that. 

"You should go home. Get some sleep. You've been up for almost three days straight."   
"I'm not tired." Lexa shook her head, even as she fought back a yawn. She'd been discharged from the hospital the same night as the accident, but she'd been home only once; and that had been to grab a change of clothes, before she headed right back to the hospital. What little sleep Lexa had managed to catch had been in the chair by Raven's bedside.

"Look, O's coming back up tonight. So you won't be on your own. Go home, Lexa. Get a proper night's sleep in your own bed and we'll figure things out with Clarke tomorrow. Maybe Nurse-zilla is right, and she just needs some rest. We don't know for sure what's going on… and Clarke wouldn't want you beating yourself up like this." 

"Clarke doesn't have the first clue who I am anymore… She doesn't care what I do." Argued Lexa, the words sending a chill down her spine even as they left her own mouth.  
"Yeah? Well she'll sure as hell have something to say about it when this is all sorted out and I tell her how much of a stubborn ass you're being!" Raven shot back, trying to lighten the mood. "This thing is temporary Lex. She'll get her memory back and you two will go back to being love sick puppies in no time. You'll see."

* * *

Walking into the home she shared with Clarke and her friends, Lexa couldn't quite shake the feeling of walking into a tomb. The air in the house felt dry and dusty, as though it had been abandoned for decades and not just a few days. Lexa couldn't remember the house ever being so quiet. 

She dumped her overnight bag in the utility room, deciding the laundry could wait until she'd caught up on her sleep. Lexa wasn't the type to usually leave dirty laundry lying around the place. She was something of a neat freak, and spent most of her time picking up after Clarke and the others.

Clarke's cereal bowl from Friday morning was still sitting in the sink, unwashed, with a film of green slime growing over the little pool of milk that was left in the bottom. Lexa left it sitting there. It -along with the rest of the dishes in the sink- had waited three days already; they could wait a little longer to be washed. 

Lexa's feet felt like lead weights as she dragged herself in to the living room. She collapsed on to the couch with a huff of air, curling her legs up underneath her. How many times had she curled up on this couch with Clarke? How many weekends had they spent camped out in the living room, bickering over what to watch? Not that they had ever had a real argument before; not one that wasn't about Clarke coming out to her parents anyway. 

A fresh wave of guilt washed over her. They'd been on their way to dinner with Clarke's folks when the accident had happened. Maybe if Lexa hadn't pushed so hard for Clarke to come out to them… Maybe if she'd been fine hiding their relationship for just a little longer; even if they had been hiding it for close to three years already. 

Maybe. The word buzzed around Lexa's head, refusing to leave her be. Clarke had no idea who she was, and there was no maybe about that. Her girlfriend had forgotten all about her. She was a virtual stranger to Clarke. Three years of history, of friendship, drama, and love… all of it gone. 

Lexa felt the first tears start to fall as she muffled a desperate sob. She hadn't allowed herself to cry back at the hospital. Three days of watching over Clarke -desperately waiting for her to wake up- and she had held strong, but now that she was alone the tears started falling freely. 

Octavia would be home soon, and she didn't want to the other girl to see her crying. She couldn't face sleeping in the room she shared with Clarke. There hadn't been a night since they'd moved into the place that they hadn't slept side by side. 

Lexa dragged herself to the spare room instead, the one that was set up to look like her room for the rare occasions when Clarke's parents stopped by. Some of her things were in the drawers in the corner, but she didn't bother changing out of her clothes as she flopped down on to the bed. It was a single, but it still felt too big without Clarke beside her.

* * *

Raven tried to adjust in her bed for the thousandth time to no avail. With her leg having been put into some sort of metal stabilization device, she was forced to remain on her back. It was the most uncomfortable position; especially in a hospital bed. 

She was trying to find some possible way of rolling onto her side when the door opened and a familiar face peeked through the opening. Raven ceased all attempts at movement at the sight of the woman’s worried gaze. 

“Oh my God.” Octavia quickly moved into the room, leaving the door open as she made her way to Raven’s side. Her greeting was lost as Octavia grasped both sides of her jaw and kissed her. 

“O,” Raven started.

Octavia kissed her twice more before pulling away and looking over her girlfriend’s body. “Bell wouldn't let me drive, he- he wouldn't say why we left Mom’s early. He only told me you were in an accident as we pulled into the parking lot. Are you okay? What happened?”

Raven smiled lightly as the youngest Blake sibling fussed over her, eyeing the contraption that held her leg. “O, babe, I'm fine.”

“That is not fine.” Octavia said, pointing to her leg. “And remember, you can't lie to me.”

Raven had always been a terrible liar; a fact that had become even worse as she'd attempted to hide her attraction to Octavia during the first few months of college. It was only after the girl pulled her into a shower stall and kissed her that Raven confessed her feelings. 

Attempting to adjust herself again, she looked up to her girlfriend; concern and love battled for dominance behind gorgeous green eyes. Raven felt her throat tighten for the first time since realizing she couldn't feel one of her legs properly. “I'm scared, O.”

“Raven Reyes is scared?” Octavia smiled lightly. “Never thought I'd see the day.”

“I'm serious, Octavia.” Raven said as a tear escaped and ran halfway down her cheek. “The doctors- I overheard them telling Abby that there's some kind of nerve damage.” After a brief pause to collect herself, Raven continued. “I can't feel below my mid-thigh. I've gotta wear this brace and do all this therapy. All because of a door frame.”

“Hey,” Octavia said lightly, brushing dark hair past her girlfriend’s ear. “Rae, it could have been so much worse. You could be completely paralyzed or… dead.” She slid her thumb across the girl’s cheek, catching the tear, and wiping it away. “I'm going to be at every one of your therapy appointments. You're not alone and I'm gonna be right there to catch you when you ultimately fall; I love you.”

Raven nodded slightly, “I love you, too.”

* * *

“No, Jackson,” Jake insisted as they stood outside the doorway of his daughter’s ICU room. “Listen, my daughter woke up yesterday with no memory of the accident. You told us that could happen, we accepted that. However, what you failed to mention was that she’d not remember her best friend either. Raven, Clarke, Octavia and Lexa…” He paused thinking of the group of girls as they’d danced around singing a horrible rendition of Movin’ On Up in their house surrounded by piles of boxes. “They’ve been inseparable for three years.”

“Alright, Jake, alright.” Dr. Jackson said softly, glancing into the room where Abby sat on the edge of Clarke’s bed. “I can ask a couple of questions and it’ll help us determine the extent of her memory loss.”

Jackson walked inside the room, smiling softly as Clarke looked up at the familiar face of her mother’s colleague. He pulled up the chair Abby had occupied for days and opened the folder in his hands. “How are you feeling today, Clarke? Your dad was just telling me that you don’t remember the accident.”

Clarke shook her head slightly, feeling her mother’s hand cover her own. The expressions of her parents worried her more than the supposed accident she’d been involved in. Her mind was still fighting to fill in the answer to the question she’d imposed on Raven. Lexa. The brunette she’d assumed was a hospital volunteer, Raven had called her Lexa. 

“Would you mind if I asked you a few questions?” Jackson asked, receiving another shake of the blonde’s head. “Can you tell me your high school mascot?”

“Lions.”

“Alright,” Jackson smiled. “How old are you?”

Clarke immediately answered, “Eighteen.”

Jackson immediately continued on to another question before either Griffin parent could object to her age. “And when do you graduate?”

Clarke didn't answer right away. She was too preoccupied with the secretive glances her parents were sharing. Abby and Jake were the type of couple who could have entire conversations in just a few pointed looks. Clarke was in no way fluent in their shared language, but she recognised the thinly veiled concern in her mother's desperate look towards Jake; along with the tight-lipped smile that her father sent back. Something was very wrong.

“Um,” Clarke spoke as she turned her attention back to Dr. Jackson. “Graduation is next week.”

“Alright, I think that’ll be it. Let's see if we can't get you home before next week, huh?” Jackson smiled as he closed the file. “Jake, Abby?”

Abby got to her feet, kissed Clarke’s head, then followed her husband out the door of her ICU room. “Eighteen?”

“Abby,” Jake said, laying a hand on his wife’s arm.

“She's lost three years.” The woman whispered harshly to her husband. “Doesn't that concern you?”

“Of course it does but it isn't going to help her if we only add to the stress.”

The younger doctor stood facing the two. Trying to separate his feeling in this case was harder since her knew Clarke and her parents; which was the reason Abby had requested he oversee her care. “The EMTs did say that she hit her head, rather hard, against the windshield. Retrograde amnesia isn't uncommon,” He quickly continued as Abby started to speak. “And it's also not unheard of for her to recover all of her memories. However, it will take time.”

"And if it's not retrograde?" Abby demanded, crossing her arms over her chest. "We had to keep her under for three days to let the swelling in her skull go down! What if... What if there was damage to the hippocampus? Or the temporal lobe? With severe brain damage, those memories could be lost for good!"

Jackson looked uncomfortable as his gaze shifted down to the floor and then back up to his colleague. Abby wasn't a layperson, she knew more about neurology than the average patient's mother. Jackson couldn't play down the danger of lasting brain damage. All he could do was place a hand on Abby's shoulder. "It's still early days."

Abby reached forward to rest her hand against his arm before he excused himself. Turning, she slide her arms around her husband and leaned her head against his chest. “What do we do?”

“Uh,” Jake saw two familiar faces exit the elevator at the end of the hallway. “Clarke, honey, we're going to go check on Raven. We'll be right back.”

Abby glanced inside the room as her daughter nodded before looking at her husband again. “Wha..?”

“Lexa and Octavia,” He looked over her shoulder. “We need to talk to the girls.”

* * *

"Feet!" Octavia swatted her hand against the back of Jasper's head as she walked into the living room and found him lounging on the couch with his feet up on her coffee table. His moans of protest were drowned out as the front door opened and Bellamy, Murphy and Lincoln spilled into the hall. With Lexa, Octavia, Jasper and Monty already in the living room it was a tight squeeze to fit the rest of the boys all in. Octavia took a seat perching on the arm of the couch that Jasper and Monty were already sitting on. 

Lexa stood apart from the rest of the group, leaning against the door frame that led into the kitchen. Her jaw was tightly set, her blazing green eyes staring out into the distance at nothing in particular. With her arms folded across her chest, her body language was intended to keep people at a distance. Despite knowing most of the group for just as long as Clarke, Lexa always felt uncomfortable at large gatherings; particularly when Clarke wasn't there with her.

As expected, a room full of twenty-somethings quickly descended into chaos, with everyone all talking at once. The noise level in the room was becoming almost unbearable to Lexa by the time Octavia brought two fingers up to her mouth and whistled loudly to garner everyone's attention. There was still some quiet murmuring around the room, but even that eventually faded in to silence as Octavia commanded the room. 

"We've all heard about what's happened to Griff. I know we're all worried about her, but we can't overwhelm her right now. Abby has asked us to be respectful of her and Jake's wishes, and to only visit Clarke for an hour a day, tops. Also, no more than two people at a time. They don't want her getting stressed out." 

"Okay, but are we even sure Griffin has actually lost her memory? Maybe she's faking to get a few weeks off class?" Jasper joked, though he instantly regretted it as he caught sight of the glare that Lexa was sending his way. "…Or maybe not."   
"This isn't a joke, Jasper!" Octavia scorned. "We need to figure out who's visiting Clarke and when. Abby wants us to send over a schedule-" 

"Of course she does." Bellamy shook his head from where he was standing by the window. "This is crazy! The best way for Clarke to remember the last three years is if she comes back home and gets on with her life, business as usual!" It was a sentiment that Lexa shared, and one of the rare times that she and Bellamy Blake saw eye to eye on something. 

Abby had insisted that Clarke would be going home with her and Jake, once she was discharged, in a couple of days. Raven was still in the hospital too, and would probably be there until she started her physical therapy. She was already climbing the walls, begging Lexa and Octavia to just sneak her out.

"Look, I don't like it anymore than you do Bell. But Clarke's mom is a doctor, she knows about this kind of stuff!" Octavia knew her brother all too well. She didn't want him going in all guns blazing and overwhelming Clarke. She'd make sure she was paired up with Bellamy when it came to Clarke meeting him. "Okay, so the plan for visiting is: Jasper and Monty, Me and Bell, Murphy and Lincoln… Lex is going to go with Raven when she's out of the hospital." 

"Wait, Lexa has to be on the schedule too?" Monty questioned. "But she and Clarke are… you know." He blushed sheepishly as he glanced over at Lexa.   
"Clarke doesn't remember that… Lexa's a stranger right now. Just like the rest of us." Octavia answered for her, since Lexa was doing her best to stare straight ahead at the wall and hadn't spoken a word yet. 

She felt numb. There was no other way to describe it. Raven might never walk again and Clarke's memory was swiss-cheese, yet Lexa had walked away from the accident without a scratch. Guilt was gnawing at her insides. No matter what Octavia or anyone else said, Lexa felt responsible. Ever since the accident her world had been one of 'what ifs'. What if she'd seen the truck sooner? What if she'd stopped a little longer at the light? What if they'd taken a taxi? 

"Lexa?" Octavia repeated the other girl's name for a second time, trying to get her attention.   
"Huh?" She finally broke free of her trance and realized the others were all staring at her expectantly. "Sorry. What did you say?" She apologized, unsure of what they all wanted from her.   
"I asked which day you want to see Clarke." Answered Octavia. 

Everyday, was Lexa's immediate thought. She wanted to wake up with Clarke in the morning and go to sleep with her by her side every night; like she had done for the last couple of years. She didn't just want to 'see' Clarke. She wanted Clarke back. More than that, she wanted her Clarke; not someone who looked at her with a blank expression and saw a stranger. 

"I need a minute." Lexa excused herself. She walked off into the hall without looking back, then climbed the stairs two at a time. She went straight to the room she and Clarke shared, locking the door behind her. There were tears in Lexa's eyes as she curled up on Clarke's side of the bed, burying her face in the other girl's pillow. It still held her scent, though it was fading fast. Another few days and it would be gone altogether.


End file.
